Reflections from a Year of Travel

We're now 3 months into 2024, and somehow, I'm once again having what feels like the most enjoyable year of my life. I've chatted with several friends over the years and come to the same conclusion… even with life determined to throw increasing amounts of horseshit our direction, each year turns out better than the last.

I think that says something about the positivity of the people I spend time with, and I'm certain it means I've led a very lucky 25 years. However, life is nothing but a rollercoaster of ups and downs, and with all the ups I've had, I'm starting to wonder —what's the price of the life I've chosen?

From an early age, I pursued relatively nontraditional things. Starting at 17, I built and fostered a 6-year relationship with a wonderful girl, a cornerstone of my life at the time that shaped me into the person I am today. I pursued and achieved a lucrative career for which I was vastly underqualified. I consistently found myself in lucky situations, taking advantage of wild opportunities I would've only dreamed about six months prior.

I say this not to brag but to provide a frame of reference. Various small wins categorized this period of my life, each compounding on the last to provide new opportunities and exciting life experiences.

I truly felt I was building toward "success" in almost every sense of the word. It was intoxicating — The feeling of progress, the distinct and clear personal transformation, and the pay and clout that came with it.

But then my relationship ended (on a very positive note, she's a wonderful girl I still consider a good friend), and everything changed. We were both quite independent, but my entire adult life had been molded around her. The career I pursued, how I spent my free time, my priorities around health and travel, and even the things I chose to learn.

Without her as a compass in my life, I entered a period of deep self-reflection, exploration, and, frankly, depression.

I questioned everything and was confused by the answers I found.

My career, which I had previously loved and pursued in my free time, stopped giving me the enjoyment and satisfaction it used to. Did I even want this career in the first place? The more I thought about it, the more I came to the answer, "Maybe not."

Why did I spend my entire life living in the same city when curiosity about the world had been a core factor in my decision-making since childhood? I realized it was simply due to convenience, which is about the worst reason I can imagine to make important life decisions.

How would I spend my free time with no one to consider but myself? I had absolutely no idea.

I was lost and clearly needed a drastic change. I took the most predictable quarter-life crisis route possible, said fuck it, threw out my life, and left to TraVel ThE WoRlD aNd FiNd MysElF. Classic, right?

That was a year ago, almost to the day.

So, what's happened since then?

On the positive side, I've had some of the most incredible experiences I could ever imagine, things I have zero doubt I'll look back on with anything but gratitude. I've visited countless beautiful landscapes, experienced a variety of wonderful cultures, and immersed myself in several new ways of life. I've formed new relationships with people worldwide, become more caring and open-minded, and grown to recognize and appreciate a variety of viewpoints on how to live a "successful" life.

But, it hasn't been without cost.

Since I've been gone, I've noticed some of my most important relationships begin to wane. My best and oldest friends are moving into more stable periods, categorized by serious relationships, career advancements, house purchases, and generally "adult" things. On the other hand, I have gone in the opposite direction, jumping across the world, partying at random schedules, "working" when I feel like it, and, to some degree, shirking responsibility.

That meme about your unemployed friend on a Tuesday? That's me.

It's not that I'm running away from anything — in fact, I finally feel like I'm living true to myself.

However, in an unexpected turn of events, doing so has ostracized me. When I call my friends to catch up, we seem to have less and less in common. They often date the same person, work the same job, and are interested in the same things. On the other hand, I've met new people, decided to spend time in new places, and started working on new things. In other words, in that same period, my entire life changed.

It's possible this is just a natural progression of life, but honestly, I can't accept that. Relationships are one of the two enduring forms of satisfaction I've found in life, and the idea of losing my closest friends due to my lifestyle is terrifying.

Another massive change is in my mental processes. When I was working, much of my free time was focused on learning, reading, trying new technology, and forming new ideas based on those things. It would be a bit dramatic to say my brain is atrophying, but I feel relatively confident that I've at least stagnated in my intellectual pursuits. I'm still learning new things, but I can no longer hold conversations at the same level of intellectual rigor as 18 months ago. This is another change I'm unwilling to accept.

Finally, and maybe most importantly, I've noticed myself becoming more and more like the travel friends I currently spend time with. Now, I want to be clear — the vast majority of people I've met while traveling are truly wonderful. They've taught me things about life, opened my eyes to new realities, and generally been a blast to spend time with. However, many of these people have vastly different long-term priorities from mine. They often don't care to raise a family, don't care to start a business, and don't have the same priorities around health and wellness.

I don't mean to judge them — their priorities are equally valid as mine.

But, as I so often heard growing up, you're the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. In other words, the longer I travel and spend time away from those with similar goals, the more I slip away from the person I want to become.

And with that knowledge, I'm left with a dilemma.

I'm positive that travel is a priority for me at this moment in my life. I have freedom I'm unlikely ever to have again, and if I don't utilize it to explore the world, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Full stop. However, I'm also positive the consequences that have presented themselves on this journey thus far are ones I cannot accept. My relationships, critical thinking, and pursuit of my goals are too important to throw away for travel.

How can I pursue both? There must be a middle ground. I've spent my life making things work after being told over and over that they won't. This shouldn't be any different… yet somehow, it is.

In the past, every "non-traditional" decision presented to me had a clear answer. "This is what you want, so fucking figure it out." I was never forced to consider consequences because the positive always massively outweighed the negative. Upon writing this, I also realized the answer was probably clear because I had simpler, more aligned goals. It wasn't a matter of what to do, but how to do it.

In college, I had a piece of paper taped to my mirror that said, "You will work in VC." Doesn't leave much room for interpretation, does it?

I guess that's probably my issue. My current goals must be too broad and too loosely defined. Looks like we've come full circle and it's time for more reflection. How ironic.

I think I'll need a new post to explore this a little deeper.

For now, it's late, and I need to go to bed.

Until next time ✌🏽